Phunny Phrases part 3

Same deal as before. I thought they were funny, worth remembering, or sounded cool. Most were found on the internet.

***The parts in bold actually happened. Italicized parts are just my two cents.



"The bad thing about life is it doesn't come with its own background music." (Too true.)

"If you keep taking time to stop and smell the roses you'll eventually inhale a bee."

"Think your way in, shoot your way out."

"If we do not follow our passions, we die, if only in our hearts."

"The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them."-William Clayton

"I don't want no damn vegetables! I'll be all healthy n' sh*t." -Keith (My dad)

"If you can read and you don't, you're dumb." --Malcolm Forbes

"Slinky + Escalator = Endless Fun" (I really want to try this. I'm going to have to buy a slinky and go to the mall )

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life"
- Confucius

Setting: Security station at Butlerfield airport (I have no idea where that is).
My dad (Talking to a cop): Dude, I've carried this knife since I was eight. I haven't felt like sticking it in anyone until now."

Happened 6/7/07:
Dad: (looking in the freezer) "Hey, cool! Toaster pastries without the paster… I mean toaster."
Me: "Dad, those are waffles."

"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand" - Kurt Vonnegut

"Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer."

"The digital age can megabyte me."
--Me

"Duct tape is like The Force: It has a light side, a dark side, and holds the universe together." (I'm not a really big fan of Star Wars, but that cracks me up. )

"He is a man of honor, but not a man of virtue."

"More nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs."

"He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard."
- Unknown

"A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstein, but with the attention span of Daffy Duck."
- Tom Shale on Robin Williams (... That one kind of hurts because I think Robin Williams is awesome.)

"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
- President Harry S Truman

"For every action there is an equal and opposite government program."
- Bob Wells

"Due to recent cutbacks, and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off."